Ho Ho Home Invasion
Alex Wilson
Description
A high-energy country-pop Christmas novelty song with a tongue-in-cheek take on Santa Claus as a benevolent home invader. Blending twangy Telecaster riffs, driving rhythms, and festive sleigh bells, 'Ho Ho Home Invasion' delivers a humorous and irreverent holiday anthem.
Lyrics
[Intro: Upbeat, driving country-pop guitar riff, heavy kick drum, and the sound of a window shattering followed by a festive "Yee-haw!"] [Verse 1] I got motion sensors on the front porch light I check the deadbolt twice every single night I don't trust the mailman, I don't trust the Feds I keep a Louisville Slugger right beside the bed But come December, I flip the script, you see I let my strict security protocols slip free I turn off the alarm and I unlock the grate And I leave out a bribe on a china plate [Chorus] Yeah, it’s a Ho Ho Home Invasion A jolly felony celebration Any other night, we’d be dialin’ 9-1-1 Reaching for the shotgun, ready to run But we trade our cookies for a little peace and quiet Ignore the breaking and entering riot Yeah, he’s a fugitive on a global tour But we just hold the door For a Ho Ho Home Invasion [Verse 2] Now if a guy named Carl came down the flue With a sack on his back and a size twelve shoe And started eating my snacks and drinking my milk Wearing a custom suit made of velvet and silk I’d have him on the ground in a half-nelson hold Waiting for the sheriff to get here and be told But since this intruder has a beard and a sleigh I just look at my wife and I say "It’s okay!" [Chorus] 'Cause it’s a Ho Ho Home Invasion A jolly felony celebration Any other night, we’d be dialin’ 9-1-1 Reaching for the shotgun, ready to run But we trade our cookies for a little peace and quiet Ignore the breaking and entering riot Yeah, he’s a fugitive on a global tour But we just hold the door For a Ho Ho Home Invasion [Bridge: Music drops to a half-time stomp-clap beat. Gang vocals] He sees you when you’re sleeping (That’s creepy!) He knows when you’re awake (Surveillance!) He knows if you’ve been bad or good So be good for goodness sake (Or he’ll break into your house!) [Guitar Solo: Fast-paced chicken-pickin’ solo over a high-energy fiddle line] [Chorus] Yeah, it’s a Ho Ho Home Invasion A jolly felony celebration Any other night, we’d be dialin’ 9-1-1 Reaching for the shotgun, ready to run But we trade our cookies for a little peace and quiet Ignore the breaking and entering riot Yeah, he’s a fugitive on a global tour But we just hold the door For a Ho Ho Home Invasion [Outro] Yeah, come on in, big guy (Ho Ho Home Invasion) Don't mind the dog, he bites (But he likes venison) Does this count as a deductible? (Ho Ho Home Invasion) Leave the gifts, take the cannoli [Fade out with sirens wailing in the distance to the tune of Jingle Bells]